You are a Visionary

Don't Let Them Tell You Otherwise. Even With So-Called Evidence!

You’re a Visionary

You probably know this already, don’t you?

You pick up more things than most. You notice. You feel, you intuit.

You’ve always been this way, haven’t you?

Me too.

It’s something we don’t talk about because it doesn’t fit the narrative.

By the time, you catch up to it, you’re confused, doubtful, and overwhelmed. What kind of vision is that?

But that’s just the critic, the old inner tormentor who’s jealous of this vision you possess. The critic wishes you didn’t feel and think so deeply so you could just be safe.

Why? Because it knows there aren’t a lot of people who get it, and so you’ll be alone.

There’s nothing worse than being alone. It’s a form of death, and so, it’s no wonder that the root of all OCD suffering is the fear of death itself.

But it starts in vision, and vision that must be witnessed, validated, and companioned for you to be made whole, and for you to have true safety and security.

But Isn’t This Just Reassurance?

A client yesterday asked me, “when we talk about these things, are we just falling into the trap of reassurance or are we doing something else? I’m so confused."

It was an astute and subtle observation. Too many OCD treatment providers fear the reaper of reassurance. Oh, does it trouble and terrify them, but it doesn’t have to be so scary.

With just a little more cowbell, you don’t have to fear the reaper either (extra points if you get my SNL Christopher Walken reference!). Here’s how to start.

What’s The Difference Between Reassurance & Assurance?

There’s a magnificent and wonderful difference between reassurance and assurance.

Assurance is witnessing the sensitive power of the individual with OCD and joining with it and giving it words, giving it truth, and giving it its power back. Instead of having to be alone with so much feeling and thought, you’re companioned and partnered in it. You can finally be safe on a whole new level.

Because let’s back up a moment. How do we all feel psychologically safe and most fully ourselves?

First, we are reminded of safety being possible. Second, we are shown that we are not alone in whatever we are feeling and thinking, we are companioned. And third, we now can draw on that safety and companionship to give that companionship to ourselves.

Like British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott might say, we are only able to have the capacity to be alone in an alive way when first we have had someone lovingly be with us in whatever we need. This is not the ‘alone of death,’ this is the alone of creative solitude.

Reassurance is In the Mind, Assurance Is in the Total Self

How is reassurance seeking different? It is only in the mind. It comes from the critic’s place of constantly doubting, questioning, and challenging whatever your feelings or perceptions are, and not trusting that the body (the center of feeling and intuition) has an answer too that must be honored.

The body doesn’t just keep the score, as trauma special Bessel Van Der Kolk says, it carries the secret. This is the secret of those early visionary places—what the body can feel,say, and dream, and what needs a poetic relationship to be brought into conversation. Only when the body and mind are rightly married does anything worthy or creative or human really come together.

This is why I jokingly but not so jokingly say, don’t let them tell you that the so-called evidence says otherwise. Much of psychology research on OCD exculsively values the mind and behavior. It says that you have a mind that overreacts and overinterprets and you have behavior that is compulsive and perfectionistic.

Whatever feelings you have, according to these experts, will come through if you do the treatment. And only then can you have your feelings and your values. Wait, what? My feelings don’t matter until the end of your equation. I don’t think so!

Feeling—and values—always come first. This is why the body and its wisdom and vision are so important. Like with a child, these should be seen and treasured instead of discarded.

B the way, this is why I get so angry and irritated at OCD experts who throw out feeling as if it’s irrelevant and unimportant. It’s like repeating the original insult and trauma: discarding the most precious part of you! Come on OCD researchers and specialists, you can do so much better than this!

Cassandra’s Story and Yours

The OCD story line has a lot of parallels to the story of Cassandra. In one version of the myth, Cassandra has powers to foresee the future, and later is cursed by Apollo such that her prophecies are no longer believed. She is seen as a liar or a madwoman, instead of being embraced for her underlying gift.

Like Cassandra, many with OCD are not believed over how much they see about not just about themselves and relationships but about the world too. There’s so much more to the world than evidence (i.e. reason) alone.

And so my special advice to you all who struggle with OCD is to remember that you are not alone.

Your gifts and visions are seen. They are real, and you can be gentle, kind, and encouraging of them so that you can reclaim not only your power, but your safety too.

The safety of being most fully oneself is the place we all need so we can feel, once again, at home in the world.

Go forth, and share this secret with others, so they might feel more at home in themselves too.